Yaay.. Did I finally find it!!?

The hunt is "on" from the past few years. To be precise, from the moment my ex-manager threw the question on my face, it used to tease me at times and trouble me at some other. The one question in my life that I am afraid to confront at times. The one question that I keeps asking myself and gets lost and pushes off. The one question that I always hope to find the "answer" some-day some-time. The reason is that the answer to that question is very crucial.

The answer to one question that I felt is very important to take my next step. The one answer that can decide my job, my next step, my next thought and may be my next job or my career! The one answer that can either leave me bankrupt or may be millionaire (too optimist huh!). The one answer that can keep my spirits up or pushes me down. The answer that has a potential to make or break my future! The one answer that I have been searching for all these days. The one oasis in my life of desert. Finally, today I saw a glowing street light at the end of the street (for a change tunnels are no longer fashion ).

The one place in the world where my mind can think in peace, tension-free, innovative, being-with-self,introspect,retrospect,think of things-to-do/achieve is my bathroom. That's where I find better ideas in my life :P. Today after having a long discussion with my colleague on some office work, I went for a bath and while taking bath it flashed in my mind- an almost answer to my question.

Felt like I were walking on bangalore streets late in the night without worrying about the partying dogs. Felt jubiliant, like licking the last spoon of chocolate from the hot-chocolate fudge of my neighbour! Felt like flying in the air minus no air traffic & pollution. Felt like eating the crackling jalebi, off the road side vendor. Felt like drenching in the rain while sipping coffee. Felt like what it feels like gulping 10 panipuri's for one-rupee!

Felt like walking on bangalore pavements breathing fresh air and without a fear of crash! Felt like licking the dew off the leaves or glass blades in the the early winter mornings. Felt like sleeping out in the mid-day sun with a blanket! I almost avoided an Archimedes=Eurekha act and came out of the bathroom and started composing this post so that I will remember this moment and the day.

Now, not to dissapoint the sincere readers like you who is currently reading this line and feeling irritated about what the heck I am talking about- let me write what I finally found out. I "think" I found answer to the question- what do I enjoy most?. Yes, I know, it looks awkward, but when I think about myself, think about my life, think about my career, think about technical choices, think about my commitemnts, when I question my decisions, my acts, I always end up with questions like- Do I enjoy this, what exactly makes me excited, what exactly makes me go and do that extra bit, go and commit myself for a cause, propells me, excites me, I always end up with this question and end up with no anwer. But today, I found what I think is almost an anwer for my troubled soul.

So without making you wait any longer, let me tell you what I found! Yeah I swear, unlike in previous paragraph, to reveal it in this one. I found that - The thought of "doing" something that has a potential to "help" someone by saving their effort (or time) or something that can avoid them the pain of going through something which I or someone else had experienced makes me excited and do it with more interest and hence I enjoy doing it!!So when I asked myself for more clarity and when I co-relate with all the activities I do with interest and passion, somehow this seems to answer the WHY part of most of the things I do or I take interest in (refer explanation of doing below). Here is a detailed explanation of the words in italic and quotes in the above statement. Doing=desinging, supporting, working, thinking, making, co-operating, engaging myselfg into help=monetary, support(physically/emotionally), make them happy, feel enlightened, enhance knowledge!

So did I find the one that I am looking for?Or did I see the wron'un(IPL jargaon)? Am I imaging too much? Is this just the tip of the ice-cube?(global warming melted the ice-bergs)? Is this the day that I am destined to know more about self? Is this the day that can change my attitude towards life? Only Mr.Time and Mr.God (i am not andrine(mascuilne of faminine??) will answer the new question in my mind= "Is this the one!??".
****The End begining*****
Oh yeah, I almost forgot- I liked your patience (or impatience in scrolling down directly to read the end) and that lovely smile on your face you sported after reading last few lines. Now co-relate these words with my answer. Didn'tyou see a relation!? Caugh you napping.. hahaha... enjoy folks... watch out Chandu ver 2.0 is around!

Expectations

Learning lessons.. Expectations are real reasons for trouble.

When you expect someone to be like this or like that or react that way or this way, but they won't !!.... you get disappointed. Dig in more and you will find the reason is expectations!

Wonder why we build expectations, why we expect people to do something or to react in one way! May be it's better to accept the fact that everyone had their own way of taking things and may be sometimes people needs more time.. or may be they will never change, may be they will never understand, may be they have their own set of problems, may be it's good to leave them as it is.... well, whatever!!! ... there is no point pondering too much and ruining one's mood, especially when there are better things to do in life...

life just goes on....

Why.. What?

Why am I here?
What am I supposed to do/achieve?
What do I love most?
Why can't I change?
What makes me passionate?
Where am I destined to go?
Why can't I love my work?
Being instinctive or Being thoughtful- which is better?
Where exactly should you use heart and where should you use head?

Questions and more questions grilling my mind.
Few realizations:
I realized that my left brain is killing my right one at most of the times! (so says the neuro signals from my right brain)
I realized that I had been instinctive when I am supposed to be thoughtful and vice versa :)
I should stop taking words to heart, it's the job of head to analyze, filter and pass on!
Reaction won't help Respond makes things better!
I need to listen more although the fear of forgetting the thought/idea hurries me to interrupt!

Finally, I think time has come for things to change....

The world we live...

Irony, yesterday i wrote about food and today I received a link to this video.
http://www.cultureunplugged.com/play/1081/Chicken-a-la-Carte

The world is not the same everywhere and for everyone and I pity the one's living in their own little world thinking that life is just what they are experiencing and nothing much!

Love-d--song

Finally got some time to explore the lyrics of this song....
LUKKA-CHUPPI
Love the song and lyrics... should thank the person for the translation!

Monday mania

No.. No...NO. I am not going to talk about Monday traffic of Bangalore, not about Monday blues of going to office. let me explain, every time this little absent minded brain of minegets serious and starts thinking about "what do I change in LIFE" or "what "improvements' can i do"... I always bank on Monday.

For instance,
"Go for jogging" (to self), (resolution:Ok let's start it on Monday)
Similarly
Clean the house .. ok from monday
Start making a T2Do chart.. ok will start from monday
WORK in office in between mails, chat and blog .. ok will ONLY work in office and use Airtel connx at home to best, but from MONDAY..

Then comes the MONDAY gleaming with hopes and aspirations of starting so many new things... and eventually what happens....? Realization dawns on me- Monday is as good as any other day. I end up feeling - ..bloody I could have started it already and to add that when I look back, I had forgot all those START-ON-MONDAY things, since no records exist.

then what happens? Ok, a resolution will be passed into mind register to start noting things down and a resolution is made to buy a white marker board at home to bug mom, to write messages, to kick myself up , to feel good by STRIKING Off "things-to-do" and most importantly to REMEMBER THINGS by writing them on the board. But the White-marker board is waiting to reach home from past 2.5 years! Phew heights of procrastination...!

Another Monday is getting over, so let me stop choosing Mondays, since sundays are ending up as sleeping late, bird watchings, meeting friends, mondays always start late and lazy and no time to think about what to start on Monday... here goes another monday..

When it rains, it pours!!

After the lull, the storm brewed and brewed and finally it started pouring as anticipated and it slowed down and appeared to be clearing the coast. Exactly when you think it's all over, it suddenly seems to be taking a different turn. I am sure these moments of my life can clearly go to the TOP OF the CHARTS of TESTING TIMES list.

Insults, appreciations, bad-words, impatience, sleepless moments, furious mumblings, confusion, worst-is-here-moments, it's-all-over-thoughts, stupidity, insane, foolishness, love, hatred, ignorance, tears, few laughs, celebrations, meetings, discussions, debates, thinking and thinking and flooded by thoughts, moments of hope, moments of despair...Those are "few" words to describe what I have gone through in the past week.

Overall things went smoother than the worst they can get. Of course they did not go as smooth as they can either. But a feeling of clarity in thoughts emerged and it enabled few bold decisions. Physical and mental strengths have been tested and targeted. A well-wishers advice to pray god did worked.

It's a see-saw journey. A moment of hope followed by disappointment. The moment you realized that you guessed the next move, the one next to that goes beyond your wildest imagination. Your best prayer comes true followed by your worst fear. All these proves how ignorant one can be when one says "I CAN TAKE CARE OF THINGS or I KNOW EVERYTHING".

Thanks for praying and being with me, things are still under control (there I go again) or rather appears to be not very bad!( how much we wish we can control someone's -- love hatred and thoughts! )...

I am in the middle of an dark ocean...
witnessing a looming stormy night...
rocked by tides of thoughts...
clinging to a plank of hope...
driven by a divine light...
heading for unknown...

Thank you god.. thanks for being there.. if not for you, there is no hope!

What a DRAMA!!!!!!

Emotions, Tears, Celebrations, Hope, Despair, Swing of Fortunes, Chaos, Destiny, Twists & Turns, almost-had-it.. if you wish to see all this in a minute, you should have watched the last 2 minutes of the "just" concluded grand and fitting final F1 race. I am sure it will be debated and discussed who the REAL champion is, but when I sit and write this review of the final F1 race, I could not stop myself from empathizing with FELIPE MASSA.

What a race this was!!Leave behind all those technical things, the last 2 minutes of the race had packed so many things and a big PUNCH at the end!! I am sure, he would have not felt this bad if HAMILTON had maintained his 5th position in the last but one lap, but that's life....!

In case you do not follow F-1, let me not bore you. But it's worth a watch to catch up some news highlights on the last F1 race of this year to see how all those emotions played with the lives of HAMILTON and MASSA. Understandably MASSA was in tears. Especially after a fantastic race, his hopes of championship budded just seconds before he crossed finish line and he erupted with joy assuming he WON it, only to find seconds later that his destiny has changed and Hamilton had the better of the fortunes. I wonder how many of us could expect such a TWIST in the tale.

If you an atheist, you might differ from me, but what a trick does GOD holds back till last minute. What a drama! Isn't it true that Life is so uncertain and full of unplanned things?? We plan so many things in life and we take it for granted with a positive hope that it is going to happen the way we thought, only to find later that the almighty had planned something else. It hurts more when you know you gave your best, but find yourself evaded of the fruits of your efforts. But, I believe all that happens for a reason. In this case, the tears Massa shed might be the fuel of inspiration for the next year to win comprehensively.

Anyways congrats to Hamilton and thank god I got a chance to witness a wonderful race of my life. (do catch some news on F1 to understand better of what i wrote above...).